After arriving in the Rocky Mountains I found myself displaced in a wintery wonderland of God’s creation. The mountains were beautiful and the clod crisp air filled and pressed inside my lungs. I had arrived to welcoming smiles and hugs from old friends and coworkers. I slipped into retreat time immediately, not really knowing how long I was having conversations or how late it really was. It’s amazing how God suspends time when you’re at a retreat.            

 On the morning of the second day I found myself walking up to the main lodge from my cabin and I notice a snow covered labyrinth. It called out to me, in its perfect path of white. The snow had left just enough snow to cover the ground but not the rocks that lined the path. It was beautiful. As someone who is a little obsessed with labyrinths, I thought, “when will I have another chance to walk a snow covered labyrinth?” It wasn’t snowing, nor was it that cold so I went for it. I took the first few steps.            

 By the time I had made the first turn I was entrenched in thought, the rest of the world disappeared. I thought about things that had been bothering me, I thought of my worries at school, I thought about the path that had led me to that point, I thought of the pressures of becoming a candidate and all of the stress that had been leading my life. I immediately tried to correct myself. “hey this is a time to meditate on one thing” I begin to use a breath prayer, “Precious Lord, guide my feet. Precious Lord, Guide my feet…” Again my thoughts and worries crept back in, and again I was frustrated with myself. Where was my focus, where was my prayer?

Then it hit me, like a warm reminder in my chest; this was my prayer, this was my chance to walk and talk to God about all the things on my heart. I went over and over it all, thinking about my worries and my concerns, praying for those situations and those fears. I began thinking about my heart, and its whispers of pain and its needs for joy.  And soon I realized that I was only half-way to the center and I had nothing left to complain about. Funny how one can trick themselves into believing that life is more complicated than it really is. I began praying for my ministry and the people at the conference, the life’s that we touch and the paths that are affected by our ministry. Walking and path imagery swam in my head, ‘what steps should we take?’, ‘how can I walk closer to you?’, ‘how do we guide your people on the journey you have placed before them?’, ‘can we encourage people to just take one more step, and know that You have the path laid already?’ As I neared the center my prayer changed again, help me let go, help me to hear your voice, meet me here.

 I stepped into the center and sat; I bowed my head and closed my eyes.

 I don’t know how long I was there, I don’t even know if I can articulate the space that I fell into. There were no words no prayers, just space. I sat. I was not aware of the time or the space around me I just was, just being. It was the best and the worst of me sitting, no thoughts, no fears. I felt warm and loved; it was not like being in the presence of God, but like being watched by God. I sat still as God looked and smiled. There was no judgment or anxitity, just warmth.

After a time, I opened my eyes. It took a moment for them to adjust to the light and I looked toward the heavens. A flake of cool water brushed my face. It was snowing; a light simple snow. I smiled. And my thoughts were conformed, God had been looking. Creation was responding to me by brushing my face with Gods hand. I walked out of the center. As I took the twist and turns I smiled and took it all in, the mountains, the snow, the crisp air, the breeze, and the sound of my feet crunching rythmatically along the path.

 I began humming, “Take, O Take me as I am, summon out what I shall be, set your seal upon my heart and comfort me”. The toon rang out over the mountains, and filled my heart. It was as if I understood that prayer for the first time. I walked on, crunching my steps in the snow. Noticing my footprints from the walk in, I began to think about where I had been, thinking about the path that I had walked;  not just that day and but in my life. I noticed the snowflakes building up on my red curls and a phrase was given to me.

“Walk with God in prayer in all seasons”

And there it was, my revelation, I was flooded with ideas, paintings, sermons, a new outlook on my own prayer life and a way to view my work/ ministry. So often I try and pick and choose when I pray, or what I will pray about. Ignoring and not communicating the seasons of drought, or even the seasons of plenty. I thought, is this how one can pray without ceasing, when we know and recognize God with each step? Then our life is a prayer, and a lived labyrinth toward God. Could I paint this? Could I capture this idea of seasons and prayer? I was excited and energized.

 As I came to the end of my walk, I looked to the skies and smiled, and thank God for the gifts of that day, the gift of the time spent in prayer, and the Words I had been given to me. It was a perfect moment in my life; I felt close and connected to the world. As I stepped off the labyrinth, I was aware that the Holy Spirit is moving in the world, and that I had some new ideas to guide me.

 I went home and wrote this:

My Heart rejoices in you O Lord,

            Your very presence in my life.

You answer my prayers

            & deliver me from sorrowsYour Spirit leads me,

             My path is illumined by you alone

Help me O Lord,             Teach me How to be your delight.

            Make me a resting place for your people

But I cannot do this alone

             I cannot change lives

                         Move Mountains

                        Heal the sick

                       Comfort the broken 

                       Without You.            

Make me your vessel 

                       Transform my heart

Help me to spread your Joy.