Woven in your story

22. September 2010 by Rose Southwell.

We were ask to write a psalm today in my spritual formation class, This is what came out.  

 

God you are a loving artist,

Who painted the skies,

Sculpted the mountains,

The One who wove the threads of creation into the tapestry of life

You whose hands create, Oh God.

You who dreamt, & reality formed.

The fields of my soul are worn,

            They have seen famine and drought.

My soul is without cleansing rain,

            My fields are in need of rest.

Send your rain, Oh God,

            Give me rest from the plow.

Let me receive your year of Jubilee

            That I might celebrate with you.

Other fields have not see this struggle,

            Others have Joy in their land.

But you are the cultivator of my soul,

            You bring rain and joy.

My time with you will turn tears into dancing.

My life with you will transform drought into plenty.

My soul will take root in your grace.

I will praise you for your blessings

            I will sing as I am woven into your story.

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New Age Mission: Day 4

21. August 2010 by Rose Southwell.

Day 4

I awoke about noon-ish to discover that the air mattress we were sleeping on had deflated in part. That translates into people’s bodies weighing more than the air in the mattress, thus ending up in a pile in the center of the mattress with a bearer of air forcing one into an air pit. I push the sleeping grant off of me and go to find Lauren, Will must have left the couch sometime earlier in the morning. I find Lauren sitting up in her room stareing at the wall.

“Well good morning sunshine” I say.

“hey”

“did you sleep well?” I ask

“yea, I haven’t been up long.”

“how do you feel about Chinese?”

“ummm. I don’t know. What do you mean?” Lauren ask.

My tummy grumbles. “ I need Chinese!”

            That’s right ladies and Gents I may have ended the dire need for texmex. Now I need Kug Pow chicken is calling my name. Mmmm. We whip out the laptops, and turn on the TV. House marathon! Exalent! We type and play away on FB and wait for the delivery of the food. We watch several episodes of House and Grant findly awakes from his death sleep. Chieese arrives and we eat away.

            Grant and I hit the road to Dallas to see my folks and prepare the way for the group gathering that evening. We fight traffic from Fort Worth to Dallas and almost die. (thanks Dallas traffic, and construction mark you exits better…)  BY the way I need to mention that Lauren dose drink coffee. She doesn’t own a coffee pot. And I am driving in five O’clock traffic with ZERO caffeine. We don’t even have soda in our systems. Grant is trying to counter balance my grumpiness and play games with the other cars. I just get more frustrated. I call a head to ask my parents to brew a pot for me, and my dad says.

“Believe it or not Kiddo, were out of coffee”

“what?” I scowl

“we’ll get some before you get here, don’t worry sweetheart I’ll take care of it”

Got to love daddy’s who understand coffee addictions. We arrive in McKinney and my spirits are lifted. HOME at last. We pull into the naborhood, behind my parents and while jamming some Pirate Metal! The windows are down and the music is up. Were dancing along and my mom Hops out and runs to my door. I jump and get a BIG HUG! Parents are the best. Mom informs me that dad got my favorite kind of coffee even though he doesn’t drink it. We head inside.

            After some brief catching up my dad introduces Grant to our families Sparking Mead and I devour the coffee. Sitting down Mom asks why I haven’t had any caffeine.

“because Lauren doesn’t drink coffee, she doesn’t even own a coffee pot” I respond

Plainly mom asks “ Is she a communist?”

“Or worse… democrat” Dad adds.

After a good laugh, we keep on with the jokes. Mom and Dad tell us about the new stuff there doing in the brewing and wine making business. They let us know about their plans to move and honey hook up. I’m so excited that they are doing what they love. They seem so happy and like they have joy in what they do again. After and exceptional dinner Joe, Grant and I head off for the last Hooray of our road trip.

Grant dubbed the night “Presbapulza 2010 the Electric Boogaloo!”We meet up with  Emmaline, and Edward. Then some of my other Dallas friends join us. We hang out and listen to this pretty good. Grant, Joe, Lidia, and I get into another game of Pig. Which gets intense. After a triumphant win by Lidia. Gant teaches us to make origami and Joe dose some magic. We head back to the house. Joe and Grant start to get into a conversation about wing men and relationships. And the boys give me advice, after a long winded story that took us to 4am. I head off to bed.

            The last morning Mom makes a killer breakfast and we load up in the car. We drive downtown, and Grant gets to the greyhound. We hug and thank each other for such a spectacular week.  Its good to see friends check on them, laugh and cry together. It doesn’t get better than that. What a wonderful trip.

Ya know, I have realized over this trip several things.

 One: I love Texas, and miss it dearly.

Two: God has gifted me with wonderful friends.

Three: In making sure others are doing well, you do yourself a lot of good.

 Four: If I ever hear someone say “Awesome Sauce” I may smile, or kill myself. (thanks Grant)

Five: I am really really blessed in more ways than I realized.

Peace.

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New Age Mission: Day 3 Part 1&2

18. August 2010 by Rose Southwell.

Day 3:

This morning I was awoken by the screeching sound of the alarm on my phone….”Ughh, where am I?” I thought. “Did I dream about being on a roundtrip with Grant and Jesus?!” Oh Wait… I am doing that… because the Buddy Christ is on my background of the computer!!!

For those of you who have seeing me early in the mornings you know one thing is VERY true. I am not functional until there is at least one cup of coffee in my system. Grant is learning Very well that I am Zombie Rose until the second cup. In my sate of disillusion I stand in the bathroom putting on makeup. BK is making coffee and Grant is getting ready. He walks over and peeks his head into the bathroom. He is wearing a black Christian “hardcore” band shirt some tight (ya’ll I mean tight) cut off shorts, Chocó’s and the Presbyterian Gagster hat…. He looks at me as I put on my eyeliner and says in the most Gangster way he can

“word.”

“Yes, Grant… that’s what they called Jesus” I reply simply

“Fo Sho”

As we finish getting ready and running out of the house to a VERY full day of meeting up with Mo peep’s BK’s Mom is right there chatting with us. BK himself is in a state of half awake so he is very quite. We load up in the cars and set off to MO RANCH!! We have a lunch date with a One Mr. Clayton, and One Mrs. Laura. SO SO SO SO EXCITED we start the drive. Because If I were to drive it would be unsafe because of lack of coffee Grant gets behind the wheel. I make a crack about if we get pulled over I might get a ticket for ‘driving without the influence of coffee’

            We start down the road, and stop at a McDonalds  for coffee and soda… because we can… take that Universe!! Not but twenty min’s into the drive we start the relationship talk. Its bound to happen in any long trip with good friends.

“Sooo… Rosie, how’s the dating life?”

“Really Grant? Were gonna do this?” I say.

“Of Corse! Besides, you brought it up” he says.

Guilty as charged. We begin to spend the rest of the trip to Mo talking about relationships, prospects, ex’s, and our different thoughts on marriage. Grant tells me the story about the most recent ex that he broke up with because she didn’t have unlimited text and didn’t like the Goonies. “good reasons” I thought.  It was a lot of fun listing to Grant talk about his ‘type’ and joking about CR’s and everyone we know who is getting married.

Grant cleverly states “Marriage is like becoming a minster of a church, all it is about is being faithful and putting up with a bunch of crap!”

“Truth.” I smile

As we hit Kerrville, Grant realize that he has never actually driven to Mo. He’s always carpooling, or in a van. Nice, that this trip can do that for you. We listen to Ben Folds and start down the last stretch of the road. As we go through Ingram, we see stone hinge.

“WHAT?!” Grant yells

“are they moving stone hinge?”

“no…” Grants eyes squint.

As we drive down 1340 we see that they are intact MOVING Stone Hinge… The Easter Isle statues are already gone. Sorry folks. But at least it is staying in the area. So don’t cry to much, it will be ok.

As we drive the winding roads towards the place of my baptism I fly my hand out the window like an airplane. Its beautiful… the sky has the perfect number of fluffy clouds, is 86 degrees of Perfect Texas heat, the longhorns are out, God is smiling down on us every worry and everything else in my life disappeared except the smile on my face…. Perfect moment.

We cross over the Mo bridge and Grant hits the traditional Horn Burst and I WOOHOO out the window. We Had Arrived! We fallow the new roads in (which I’m still not use too) and park by the registration office and walk over to the Program office. We not that despite the fact that Clayton had said he ‘might have time for us’ the parking lot is Shockingly empty… “Sure Clayton” I think, “ you were just trying to conceal your excitement… he missed me.” We walked into the program office and the front room was empty. Finally we make it back into Clayton’s office where he is hiding. We laugh and he gives me a big hug.

“Hey Chicha!” He says

“Well hello Slim!” I say noting that he had lost 30libs

“Long time no see!” grant says

Chuckling Clayton Responds “ How are you brother”

            They do that man handshake hug thing… I have never quite put tougher that one. Oh well. WE sit down and now that the pleasentries are done the trash talk begins. … Ahhhh! How I have missed the signs of real friendship. One insult after another fly across the room as we find out about how the summers have been, the families, how I feel about seminary and so on.

            Grant and I head over to the main office for a few min’s while Clayton “works on some email” Sure. And run into the Jordan’s and Laura Kean. We chat it up, then Laura Grant and I head over to the Wagon Wheel. YES!!! Toco Salad, how I missed you! That makes meal number 4 that’s been TexMex in a row.

            While in the Wagon Wheel we see Conn, John, and  Gray Batty. Were chatting it up and having a great time. We pass out the road trip Evert’s and Clayton like a jerk breaks the trend and gets his on his left wrist versus the right ankle that everyone else has been doing. Gary gives Clayton a look and says that he wants his on the right ankle. We laugh and thank him for being so wonderful. We leave after an inspection of my car by Clayton. He states that I should come and visit again for a little bit longer next time

“but not too much longer!” we laugh and Hug “see ya later chicka, we miss you.” he says.

 I smile. “ I miss ya’ll to say Hi to Kate for me.”

It sure is good to be loved. Mo Ranch, you stole my Heart three years ago… and today was proof you still have it.  We leave towards Kerrville to see Sarah Wilcox… now Sarah Lenard. We think that we are meeting at the starbucks. Grant sat outside to work on his Chaco Tan but she ended up not coming there. We follow her directions ( strange as they were) and visit her at her DESK JOB! OH Sarah, that place has changed you. We laugh and giggle and talk about life and how things have been. We tell her all about the trip so far and catch her up on the state of our Mo buddies. Hearing Sarah’s laugh made me sooo Happy. How I have missed her. We hoped in the car and drove on our way trying to make it to Waco to see Avocado. As were driving Sarah starts to blow up our phones with text. Grant and Sarah get into this conversation:

G: I noticed your big girl job has changed you a bit. We heard you say something old Sarah would never say. “I’m sweating, gross”

S: HAHAHAHAHA!!! Buncha bullshit, ain’t it???!! I HATE being stuck at a desk. My vagabonding gypsy spirit isn’t cut to be “normal”.

We drive down the road and get Stuck in Austin Traffic!!!  There is always something in Austin. Always (DAMN YOU RUBBER NECKERS!!! ) After an hour of getting from one side of Austin to the other we find out that we will not be seeing Avocado… Bummer. She apparently had a tough day, and we were running really late. So we drove on. As we crossed into Waco, we stopped and ate at Fazollies. (Amazing btw)

At the restaurant we got into a complaining fest about the things we hate. We decided that we hate rubberneckers, people that toss salt over there shoulder, automatic bathroom towel dispensers, and shmucks.  We tossed up a what’s up to the skies for Amanda and Dave Hyers, and drive on. The rest of the drive we listen to Pandora on the phone and jam out. I started the blog and we JUST arrived in Fort Worth. Since this evening will probably be so epic that it needs its own blog… I will leave you for the night. RoseAndGrants and LaurnSturn are reunited!!

More tomorrow.

Peace.

*************PART 2**********************

Day 3-part 2

            As we are driving into Fort Worth we change the address to on the OnStar from Laurn’s apartment to this little place called Woody’s. The OnStar Guy is Having a hard time finding the address, he says

OSG: “I’m Sorry Ms. Southwell, it will take just a moment while it searches”

R: “No worries”

OSG:” How are you all doing this evening?”

G: Doing really great man! We have a and Awesome(sauce) day!”

OSG: “That’s great”

R: “Yea Dude were on a road tip across Texas to see all of our fiends”

OSG: “Oh that’s wonderful, well Ms Southwell I have set up your route, enjoy your road trip!”

G: WOOOOOO!

R: WoooHOOO!!

OSG: WOOOO!

(Pause)

R: did he just wooohoo with us?

G: Yes he did!!!!

R: That’s Fantastic!!

OSG: (chuckles in the background)

The called ended and the directions were sent to the car. The excitement to see Lauren was so thick in the car we had to roll down the windows.  We missed it by accident and pulled into a gas station. (because we can!) and I ran in for a moment. The guy at the counter as me how my day had been I I told him that I had just had the best day that was going to get even better. And that anyone who had a better day than I had, Should die… and leave on the best day of their life.  I giggled and walked out of the store. We ran into to discover that Lauren had not arrived yet. So we find a place to sit and wait. The mins drag by, but then… There she is!!!

            I run and give her a hug about knocking over the door guy in the process. I say Hi to Brynn whom Grant, Lauren, and I all hang out with on our December trip in Fort Worth. We sit down and start talking. Grant and Brynn Zone in on the Mets game and Lauren and I chat about life and my summer internship. Poor Lauren has gotten  one of those “God Hates ME! I-Don’t-want-to-do-this-anymore !!!” Crying phone calls over the summer. So I has some major catching her up to do. Yes I am staying in seminary…. For now.

            More of Lauren’s friends arrive and we proceed to have a wonderful time. After some good laughs at Woody’s we go back to Laurens place and play with a question ball. The three of us do some watering of plants… That right. Apparently Lauren had a FOREST of Basle in her apartment! HAHAH! I can’t get anything to grow no matter how hard I try but Lauren… by accent gets 200 basle pants to sprout. After question ball, we chat it up until 6:30am! We question it up with Will and Lauren and take ourselves off to bed.  This night lived up to the EPIC statues that Only RoseAndGrants and LaurenStern can only achieve.

            Friends, I remembered why I do what I do. Good people, Good times, and lots of laughs.

 

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New Age Mission: Day 1

17. August 2010 by Rose Southwell.

Sunday Grant and I decided to go and to a “new” Kind of mission trip. We are on a mission to see  our Mo Friends and check in on them. Like the Good friend that we are. Our plan is to see KB, Willem, John and Mitch, BK, Clayton, Amanda, Newsom, Sam and any other Mo person we catch along the way.

Monday::

            We got a late start today. We kicked off the morning with a fantastic lunch with the Keaton family. Grants parents and I talked about seminary and ministry (Grant rolled his eyes and snuck out of the room. )

            We get in the car to start our craziness and somehow we slipped in to the Tylight Zone!!! We were looking for a simple thing, I needed coffee  and smokes and Grant needed a pop. Simple enough right?! Go to a Gas station, or a fast food place and get smokes later down the road. One would think.… After crossing downtown Houston we exit the highway. We proceed to drive… and drive… and drive the feeder. No gas station, no fast food… There are the occaitional sit down placed, but nothing to get a quick drink. We continue driving, 5 mins goes by, Nothing, we pass a Sam’s club. Suddenly there is a stream of car dealerships. (surely there’s a Gas station near here right?) Nope… Not one. I see on the other side of I-10 there is gas station, and  I say to Grant, “should we just cross over and hit up one of those stations?”

 “Na!” He says, “Hold strong Rosie”  he pats my hand and smiles.

“Ok, there’s got to be one of this side soon right?” I sugest

We continue down the road. We begin a discussion about how if we would open a Gas station on this side of the highway we would make bank! We could pay for everything, because this side of the highway is a baron wasteland… Seriously Its baron!! There is shopping malls and strip centers and gas stations Galore on the other side of the road! We have empty fields and rundown apartments…. We Pass another Sam’s Club.

“REALLY?!?!” I yell, “What if someone ran out of gas! What would they do?”

“Right?!?” Grant states ”Or needed a Big mac… Stat”

“This is starting to creep me out.”

“yea,” grant said “ OH wait!!! Look at that highway sign!”

And there is was one of those Blue informational signs that said there was a station with a shell/sonic that was Actually going to be on this side of the Highway! Cheers erupted in the car. All is well I thought, my coffee intake will be refueled soon! We drive up to the light and notice there is nothing at this corner. NOTHING! NO, Sonic, No Shell, No coffee..

“What?!?!?” I proclaim “Is the Universe out to get us??”

“That sign said it was on this side! WTF is happing?”

“I don’t know, why there is nothing on the side of the road! I haven’t even seen a Starbucks!”

Grant shuddered “Ooooo your right, I am creped out now…”

We continue to drive along… and drive. The emotions in the car switch back and forth between giggling about the silliness of it all and being angry in a haze of caffeine withdrawals. We keep driving

Giggling I say “Ya, know is this getting kind of ridiculous”

Grant’s face changes and he yells “ IS THAT ANOTHER F’ING SAM’S CLUB!?!?”

I burst into laughter!! “ It IS!!!”

“Three Sam’s clubs and not ONE fast food or Gas station!!! What the Hell is going on!”

“I’m not sure” I say “maybe we should get back on the highway and try again a little down the road”

“NO Rosie!!! Were doing this”

“Grant”, I say” its been like 20 miles…”

“Hold strong doll face, Hold strong”

“ok….”

We keep driving. Another five/ ten min goes by… No one speaks. The only sounds in the car are the occasional scoff of disappointment, and the chuckle/headshake of absurdity. As we drive along, I begin to realize that we are moving into a one lane feeder. I start to get a little worried that we are going to veer away from the highway. The we crest the top of the hill and…. The road ends!! It ends!!

“WHAT?!?” I scream!

“Did the road just beat us?!?”

“The road ended… I CAN NOT belive this!”

So we flipped around, and got on the highway. Disappointed and a little heartbroken we realize that we drove 26 miles on the feeder with nowhere to stop. As we continue driving One mile up on the highway, There was a Love’s Station, on our side of the road.

            Damn You Universe!

After that we drove in to Austin and See  Katie Beth! We met up with her and her fiancé and they told us there engagement story. Its was wonderful. Gant took notes on an etch-a-sketch After that KB, Grant and I went back to KB’s and talked about wedding stuff and My internship this summer. Grant got suckered in to the wedding talk, and I got him hooked on this website call Off Beat Bride. After that we stayed up all night and caught up. Day one ended and it was WONDERFUL!!!

Day two has kicked off to a good start. More on the NEW AGE MO RANCH MISSONAL ROAD TRIP tomorrow!!!!!

Peace.

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Misguided Muscle Memory

2. August 2010 by Rose Southwell.

Ilumin us O God, Bring your sprit into this place that we might see hear and feel your presence with us. Great creator, be with the words of my mouth and the meditations of all of our hearts. May they be pleasing and acceptable in your sight. Amen

Misguided muscle memory.

Mussels are a fascinating part of our bodies,and since there are doctors in the room, I will not clam to know to much about them. But I have always been interested in muscle memory. Apparently no one really know what part of the brain that forms muscle memory and its not actually “memory”, its something else,but we do believe that it comes from repetitive motions.Doing the same activity over and over again, eventually trains the muscles to “memorize” The activity until it becomes second nature. It moves from a conscious action to a subconscious action. For instance,  as infants we did not  know how to walk but I would bet that by now, most people in this room don’t put much thought into walking we just do it. But it is a complex action that take a lot of focuse. In the beging… This happens with all kind of things in our life. Typing on a computer, driving a car, dancing, swimming, riding a bike. The list goes on and on…

In our Colossians passages the writer asks us to take a good look at ourselves. It says that: If you have been raised with Christ you should look at the things which are above and not below. Because you have died and your life is hidden with Christ. It tells us to put to death. Things like: anger, wrath, malice, slander, abusive language, fornication, impurity, passion, evil desire and Greed which it says Greed is Idolatry.

 

Interestingly enough, our Hosea passage talks about these things.  Despite the fact that God called the people (whom God refers to as my child.)  God calls them out of Egypt. But the more God call them the more they turn away. They keep sacrificing to other Gods, and sacrificing to idols.  SO somewhere between 8^th Century BC with the profit Hosea, and about 60 AD and the apostle Paul, we Humans  still doing the same thing. Offering to idols, or as Idolatry named in Paul’s letter Greed.

 

WHOOO!! I’m so glad we don’t need to worry about that anymore, ………Thinking about Greed, and false idols….

 But greed is not the only things listed. We also find Anger, Malice, Abusive language, Impurity and Evil Desires. Paul gives you a list, But Hosea through the words of God Names it simply as My people are BENT on turning away from me. Its sad… Its hard to see,

 

When we were in Honduras Greed, and idolatry were exposed to me in a whole new way. It hurt, and I felt guilty. But It is not just Greed, We come in Every Sunday, and confess.(LONG BEAT)  The ways that we are bent.

But in thinking about our passages this week I started wondering about spiritual muscle memory. Dose that exist? Is it something we can do? Can we train ourselves spiritually to do something as second nature? Or are some things NOT second nature, but human nature?

Part of the reason we come in and confess every week is so that we Acknowledge, week after week that we are sinners. From the beginning… 

 Brothers and sisters if we say we have no sin we only deceive ourselves… But who is in a position to condemn, Not me, not these guys, not  any other religious authority, not the person sitting next to you, Not even yourself. You cannot condemn yourself. Only Christ is in that position.  And Christ didn’t condemn you, Christ died for you.

Even though we come in ever week we sometimes forget, that it doesn’t matter, what we do, it doesn’t matter how hard we try, or how good our intentions, we sin… 

 

Do you know the story of the scorpion and the frog? A scorpion wants to cross a river, but it can’t swim. It asks a frog to help. The frog is weary, but the scorpion promises «I won’t sting you, because if I did we would both drown». Seeing the lodgic the frog agrees. In mid river the scorpion stings the frog. The dying and sinking the frog asks «why?» and the drowning scorpion answers «that’s my nature».

 

But what that story doesn’t have is a hand that scoops up the frog and the scorpion and places them on the other side. But we do, We are redeemed people, who it is our nature to fall. It is Hard, It is not easy.  But we have the desire… The revelation that has changed us into something new.

Our Colossians passage says that we are new creations because we have died with Christ. Almost every Sunday at this church we baptize someone, We bring them into the family of brothers and sisters in Christ.  But we also clam that as there death. Did you know that? Baptism is the death of the old, and the birth of the new. You become a new creation. But it is hard to believe it’s that simple? Alright your new! Put off the old! (fold arms, beat beat beat) are you new yet? (beat) what about now? Its kind of silly right?! We act like this passage is some kind of magic. But its not easy ya’ll. If it was that easy we would need to come in every Sunday and  confess our sins. And sometimes we feel guilty about that.

 

*Ya know, the interesting things about this muscle memory stuff is that its starts when were infants.* When were new …to this world.* No one expects an infant to be able to dance.  And God certainly doesn’t expect you to have perfect form either.

Our Colossians passage dose not say that you become new when your baptized.

It says you become new when Christ is reviled to you. So think about it… when was Christ reviled to you? when was that moment? Was it in confirmation? Was it when you were an angry teen? Were you a lost soul in your twenties? Can you even pin point it? When was Gods greatness relived to you? (Smile) That is when you become new… Something changed….

The rest of it is Theology, and humans trying to grapple with the vastness of god.  But what changes it the Desire… the desire to want to serve this great God. The desire to put off the old. And live into being New.

 If muscle memory starts at infancy, How then do we begin to form spiritual muscle memory?? DO we pick up a practice? And do it over and over and over again, until it becomes second nature. Do we decide that every morning your gona get up and say the same prayer. “God Lead me today” Or we decide that every night before you go to bed your gona read one verse in the bible.  Your gona go and work at a food bank one day of the week for a year. Disciplined practice.  Then it builds on itself. Because we do it over and over and over again. Then you can take the next step.

 *As babies.

Once we learn to roll over,

 we can learn to crawl,

once we learn to crawl we can learn to stand,

once we learn to stand we can learn to walk,

after walking we learn to run,

after running we learn we learn to dance.

But No one expects the crawling baby to be able to dance!

when he’s trying to learn to walk,

it’s not the baby’s fault when he falls,

the baby doesn’t feel guilty that he didn’t do it.

The parent doesn’t angry yell at the child for not getting it right.

The parent chuckles, makes sure there are no burses, and lets the baby try again.

But why dose a baby try and learn to walk. Crawling would suffice. Maybe as babies we don’t want to get stuck crawling, maybe we have the desire to do more. But how many times have we seen a parent stand a baby up, take a step away, and open there arms.

And the babies DESIER,to be with the parent… That helps them to take a step forward. To be in the loving arms of their care giver.

How beautiful faith is…

That we can learn. And relearn… how to walk.

But just as we are learning, and creating new spiritual muscles we are Bent on turning away from God.

A friend of mine said to me recently that as soon as a baby learns to walk. The child starts to walk away. It gets distracted by shinny things, The playground, or a toy on the other side of the room.

“Once a baby learns to walk the parent starts to half to do a lot more chasing.” I thought. Sometimes I feel like God feels that way about us.

But there is optimism in this, concerning God’s love for what God has made. It is in God’s ability to accomplish the ultimate good which is intended for creation. Everything that is good Comes from God.That is where we find salvation. Because we are bent on turning away from God, God redeemed us. That is Grace!! But as we mature, we are not to become more independent… But dependent. We are created with a need for God, because we are flawed, were not created to grow out of God.  The new creation is one of GREAT Dependence on God.

But we have the desire to be closer to our parent…

The revelation that has changed us into something new.

Now we try and build new muscles memory. .

And practice and partice and practice.

In closing, I want to leave us with scripture. 

This passage is God speaking, and it comes fallowing several chapter about how wicked Israel is, and how they will be destroyed. Then Gods tone changes in this chapter. We find a God of compassion and of TURE TRUE Grace. 

 But I want you to hear this as response from God as if Someone has just asked God WHY.  “WHY?!?! Why do you continue to care? Give up on them.”

Then God says: 

When Israel was a child, I loved him, and out of Egypt I called my son. ²The more I called them, the more they went from me ³Yet it was I who taught Ephraim to walk, I took them up in my arms; but they did not know that I healed them. ⁴I led them with cords of human kindness, with bands of love.* I was to them like those who lift infants to their cheeks. I bent down to them and fed them.

*Then, frustrated and heartbroken God says: (almost in tears)

They shall return to the land of Egypt, and Assyria shall be their king, because they have refused to return to me. ⁶The sword rages in their cities, it consumes their oracle-priests, and devours because of their schemes. ⁷My people are bent on turning away from me.

But then God says:

How can I give you up, Ephraim? How can I hand you over, O Israel?  My heart recoils within me (at the thought); my compassion grows warm and tender. ⁹I will not execute my fierce anger; I will not again destroy Ephraim; for I am God and no mortal, the Holy One in your midst, and I will not come in wrath.

Friends this is Gods word to the church..

Gods Grace abounds.

And like a loving Parent calls us back to try again. 

Amen.

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Worship Planning Aug 1, 2010

2. August 2010 by Rose Southwell.

18th Sunday in Ordinary Time  

Call to worship:

Some wandered in the desert wastes, finding no way to a city to dwell in;

hungry and thirsty, their soul fainted within them.

            They cried to the Lord in their trouble,             And he delivered them from their distress.

            He led them by a straight way till they reached a city to dwell in.

            Let them thank the Lord for his steadfast love,

            For his wondrous works to the children of men!

            For God satisfies the longing soul,            And the hungry soul God fills with good things.

First hymn: 356 Come, Thou Fount of Every Blessings

Prayer of Confession:

            Faithfull God, we confess our unfaithfulness. Our hearts are fickle, and our eyes wonder, and we trick ourselves into serving false gods. We speak lies, we accept lies, and we live lies, destroying ourselves along the way.   We confess the ways we have turned from you;

Silent confession

Loving God, we know that we are prone to wonder, forgive our waywardness and lead us back to you. Allow that we remember your faithfulness, so it may animate our trust in you. Gracious God, allow that your truth settle in our souls and comfort us. Amen

New Testament reading: Colossians 3: 1-10

Old Testament Reading: Hosea 11:1-12

Sermon Title: Misguided Muscle Memory

Final Hymn:372 Lord, I Want to Be a Christian

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Strength is not only for Popeye and spinach

6. July 2010 by Rose Southwell.

Paul’s letter to the Philippians is a wonderful gift to the church. Yet this section of chapter four is threatened by  hallmark. We find common mantras in this section, and we find ourselves smiling and nodding as we hear this passage, possibly thinking. Yes yes, all these things I’ve heard and I have known. Perhaps someone has quoted one of these verses unfairly to you, to get you to stop complain or to tough it out… Either way I hope that today we can take a look together at these common and familiar passages and find something extraordinary and life giving in the text.

   This letter is written when Paul is in Jail, and facing death. Despite his imprisonment he is joyous and overwhelmingly positive. (ugh like that person who gets up every morning and takes a happy pill) This particular letter is nicknamed the Paul’s letter of Joy. The words joy and rejoicing appear more here in this letter than in the entire corpus of Paul’s writing. But he is in prison. He is facing death. He even argues in this letter that he wonders if death by the Romans is a better option for his life, because then he could now be with Christ. Yet he remains in joy, for the betterment of sharing Christ in the world.  He offers advice for living a life of faith, what and who to watch out for, what to seek, and finding peace.  A very important letter in 4 small chapters.

Our passage today comes from the latter part of the letter, as Paul brings his writing to a close. He offers advice to two woman and leaders in the church who are in disagreement or some kind of squabble. *Which clearly a modern church would know nothing about

            Rejoice in the Lord always, again I say rejoice. Let your gentleness be known to everyone, the lord is near.  Let your gentleness be known, let your reasonableness be known some translations say. Your gentleness, Share it, let it be known to those around you. For Christ is near.

 He goes on to say, Do not worry about anything, but in everything. Wait wait wait What?!? Do not worry about anything? Has Paul met the church? Worry is like an American pastime. What about my bills, what about my children, what about school, what about parking, what about … fill in the blank. And Paul’s advice is “don’t worry” obviously the man didn’t have a mortgage.

But maybe he knows us better than we give him credit for. Maybe worry is something that people have fought since Paul’s time. Do not worry about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving let your request be made known to God.  Let your request be made known to God. Through prayer and supplication. Share your gentleness with others and share your requests with God.

And the peace which surpasses all understanding will GUARD your hearts and minds. It is not a peace that makes you sing kombiya, or overcomes you where you love everyone. This is a peace that Guards your heart and your mind. It protects you. It sets up a barrier. Because you prayed, and you made your request known to God. And then that peace protects you from worry. This is a peace that surpasses all understanding. That guards us.

            But it does not say that if you pray then God will give you what you want, or exactly what you ask for, or make you stop worrying, or fit it. When you make your requests known, you give them to the universe, to God, then peace guards you. Peace beyond understanding.

            Paul says, Finally beloved, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is pleasing, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, and if there is anything worthy of praise, Think on these things. Not on the worry. Not on the distractions.  Think about these things that you have learned and received and heard and seen in me Paul Says, and the God of peace will be with you.

            Because when you pray, the peace which surpasses understanding guards you. But when you think. When you think about what is True, Hournorabul, Just, Pure, Pleasing, Commendable, Exalant, and worthy of Praise. God will be with you. Present with you.

Now Paul moves from this point in his letter to thank the Philippians for the ways they supported him, financially and otherwise. He thanks them for their concern, and wishes he could have let them know. He says, not that I am referring to being in need; for I have learned you be content with whatever that I have. That’s a hard statement. He says,  I know what it is to have little, and I know what is it to have plenty in any circumstances I have learned the secret of being well-fed and of going hungry, of having plenty and of being in need. I CAN DO ALL THING THOURGH THE ONE WHO STRENTHENS ME.

 This is familiar to us. Right? But I want to remind you that Paul is talking about need, when he uses it. Paul secret to having plenty, or not enough, going hungry or being fed. His secret of being content in that is “I can do all things though the one who strengthens me.” That’s what he’s talking about being content and satisfied.

But I think there is a reason this passage is so familiar to us: it is because it has other implication in our world. I can do all things through the one who strengthens me. That is huge.

But I think this verse gets misused, and trivialized. I can do all things… that’s egoistical. It is that mindset that was used in building the tower of Babel, it’s that mindset that pharaoh used to run his kingdom, it’s that mindset that gets us into trouble. It’s that mindset where we get to big for out britches.

When I was in college I switched my major and I struggled. I have dyslexia and disgraphc. And I had chosen political science. Lots and lots of reading. It took me hours to do my reading. And after four hours or so I would still have to do my other homework. My cohorts in the department would take maybe two hours, and during that time they would have done all of their reading all of their homework, and written a paper. And they were off to play. And here I was, nose in a book and angry. When the test came around, even though I had worked harder, even though I had worked longer, I wouldn’t get a better grade. It made me so mad. One day I was on the phone with my mom, complaining about this exact plight.

And my mom says “Honey, do you know you will never be a professional basketball player?!”

“what” I said.

“do you know that? That you will never play professional basketball?”

“umm I guess so,…”

She says to me “honey you’re 5’2 and you don’t have much athletic skill… So you will never be a personal basketball player. God didn’t make you that way”

And she was right, ZERO Athletic skill, just ask Elizabeth Grantham. I’m 5’2, I am dyslexic, I am disgraphic, I was not made to be a super star reader or student. But I was made with a heart that perseveres, a freakish ability to concentrate for long periods of time. I was made with courage to step up to a challenge that I may not get first place at, but I could do.

            Friends I share this story in hopes that we can begin to think about our limits, and accept them. And know that God does not expect us to do things we are not cabibul of. But don’t let being realistic, blind you from the way your being strengthened

 I think another way we are misguided when we read this verse. We hear, “I can do all things”, and we think that means because we believe in Jesus we can be superman or wonder woman. Or we hear “all things”, and we think we alone, are supposed to do ALL things.  

We do don’t we? Load up our schedules, burn the candle at both ends. Take it all on by ourselves. This passage does not call us to do all things, it does not ask us to do everything. But it does challenge us to focus on what is before us. Is this a time of need? Or is this a time of plenty? What is currently before you one thing at a time?  And we can do those things though the one who strengthens us.

            But What if that “all things” is something that you really don’t think you can do.

What if you don’t think you can carry on?

What if you don’t think you can leave an abusive relationship?

What is you don’t think you can speak out? 

What if you don’t think you can get off drugs or quit dinking?

What if you don’t think you can really help someone in need?

 You don’t think you can change the status quo?

 Or you don’t know if you have the ability to love, the way your asked to?

Or what if its smaller than that…

Let’s say, you don’t think you can sit through one more news broadcast, about the gulf?

You don’t know if you can be kind anymore, to someone who has never been kind to you?

 You don’t know if you can pray anymore? Or pray about that thing you have been prying about for a long time?

Or if you have the strength to smile, because you hurt, or your annoyed?

What then preacher lady?!?!? And don’t give me this cheep answer, I can do all things though the one who strengthens me!

But my question to you is what is strength? What does it mean to be strengthened? Is strong the ability to lift a house? To eat a can of spinach and punch a guy out? Is it force?

Or Is is strength, Humility?

IS strength perseverance?  

Is strength the ability to do something that’s not necessarily comfortable?

Dose strength empowers us, to live better, to turn the other cheek and to walk away, to ask for help?

Dose strength help us lift heavy burdens?

 Dose strength free us from our fears?

Is strength the ability to name… Name the world you live in? Name the things that imprison your life, and faith?  The ability to name where it hurts? And where the world hurts?

Is strength the ability to hand your worries over?

 Is strength knowing that you cannot do it on your own?

And then using that strength however you define it. And then to continue working in the kingdom. With Prayer, peace, and God By our sides. (beat)

It’s like Popeye. Ok, Ok bear with me.

Paul is in prison when he writes this letter, facing death. He has reached a point where he doesn’t half to worry about the others things. He simply has to face his days, and possibly the end of his life with his head held high. Because of this he has found peace. As well as strength, knowing that he God is with him. The world cannot beat down on him anymore. Because he has found joy. He has strength to overcome his prison, and death.

 He encourages these women in the church who are fighting. To have peace and strength to overcome their differences. Much like how we can do so also.

Popeye, (and I know this seems silly) in every episode Popeye gets beat down. I mean he gets whooped up on.  Completely beat up by the guy that is bigger than him. There is often other stuff in his world that is getting him down. Then he reaches in his pocket, eats the spinach and suddenly he can do anything. He can take on the things that are beating him down; he suddenly is able to overcome everything that is challenging him.

The same thing happened to Israel. It’s the same thing they talk about in that psalm.  They got beat down and beat down, and then they changed their perspective and focused to God. And they were suddenly ok. With their prayers heard.

That’s what I’m asking you to do… change your perspective. Keep this passage in you pocket… But mean it. Shift your focus. So that you pray, and peace can graded you. And you do half to worry. You can things on the things that are good, true, pure, so that God is with you. And then you can find your strength.

Because friends, this life is not a hallmark card. WE need this. It’s just like how Paul is talking about need.

 I think the need, is that we need… a God that strengthens us, to do the things that are set before us. SO that we can breathe, and have joy, and know that we are not alone. Amen.

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Defending Humanity

30. August 2009 by Rose Southwell.

The very first thing I had to accept before I came to seminary was that pastors are human. I know this seems a little strange to accept, but hear me out Yes I know, most people understand that a pastor’s physical and biological make up is the same as they are. But I’m not talking about the biological aspect of humanity; I’m discussing what it means to be human.

Humans are fallible. Humans, mess up, make mistakes, hurt peoples feeling, desire love, change their minds, as well as a whole long list of other things that all people do. If pastors are human… that means they do these things as well? Mess up? Make mistakes?! Desire love?? Possibly even Hurt someone’s Feeling?!?! This was a hard concept for me. You see while growing up I did the same thing lots of people do, I put my pastor up on a pulpit (or pedestal) and expected  him to be something he’s not…perfect. Pastors in my mind pastors were perfect people who didn’t make mistakes, drink, question God or have any traits I expect any normal person to have. Therefore, they could not be sinners or behave like humans.  

Since there has been only One who has been both human and divine this premise was a huge mistake on my part.  By working very closely a number of pastors at Mo Ranch; I began to know them and understand pastors were not some strange creature with magical powers of holiness. They were simply people working closely with God to help lead and guide others along the way…yet  they were still human!  I’ve entered into the seminary process and have found myself being held by others to the silly standard I formally held my pastor to.  I now find myself defending my humanity. (No doubt part of God’s since of humor).  I’m learning it’s ok; I mess up. It’s ok; I go out and have a beer with my friends. It’s ok I want to get married one day. It’s ok; I don’t have all of the answers. It’s ok for me to be human.

Furthermore, I think that the real discussion is over forgiveness.  Does making mistakes make us horrible people, or people outside of God’s mercy? NO?!? That’s the beautiful thing; because we are willing to ask for forgiveness and humbly seek forgiveness for our actions we can better ourselves. No one has it right, and no one can make it right without God’s grace. Being human is our blessing and our curse. When we hold people to an unachievable standard we force them to fail and to disappoint us. Unfortunately, when pastors disappoint us we sometimes transfer our disappointment with the pastor into disappointment with God.  Sometimes it is hard for us to separate the two…

Ironically, I still fight this problem within myself. Despite the fact I spend time defending my humanity I still “expect more” out of my fellow seminary students and myself. And in failing the unachievable, I become disappointed with others and most of all with myself. I would love to magically live outside of my human flaws.   I would love it others could be the wonderful amazing people I expect all of them to be. Yet that is unjust of me, and not my place to judge their journey and where they are in that path.

We can’t do it. Perfection is not achievable. We can take a stab at it, we can try, and we can make efforts to better ourselves, recognize our short comings and ask God to help us along the way.  We can ask God to guide us, mold us, and hold our hands as we His children trip and fall along the path of life.

…That’s the point really isn’t it? Trying to do better, trying to be better? Becoming aware enough of others that we realize when we have wronged them, and then asking for forgiveness from them and from God.  We must also learn to forgive ourselves. We know we cannot knowingly go into actions that are wrong expecting to be able to ask for forgiveness. That’s really not ok. But when we do mess up, because we are not perfect, we know forgiveness it there for us. We are all a work in progress; no one has achieved perfection yet. Peace comes with an understanding God washed us clean, made us, and can make us whole again. As new creations in Christ we know we are forgiven, no matter the occupation, no matter the mistakes, no matter the short comings …

Friends that is Good News.

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