Holy God, you are the creator of all things,

            You formed the earth with as if it were clay,

            You glazed the sunbeams to feed the earth,

            You called the rains and baptized the ground once more.

            Your created humans from that dust, breathing your life within us.

            You knit every person together by your perfect hands.

O Lord, we deny the work of your hands by denying each other.

            We have turned from your work to politics,

            We cast sticks and stones at those you created that differ from us.

            We see only difference, not the work of your hands.

            We forget your words of loving as ourselves.

            We push to the outside, so that we don’t have to see.

 Parent of all, teach us your ways, guide our feet and teach us.

            Help us to turn community into brotherhood.

            Help us to be the Body that has different members

            Help us to see your fingerprints upon the other.

            Help us to love as you have called us to love.

            Help us to pull-in those that have been pushed away.

Eternal God, You are good, just, and attentive to your people’s needs.

            You alone can help transform us all.

            You are the one creating a new kingdom.

            We await the day where tears turn to dancing.

            We rest in your Hope.

            For you O God, are all we need.  

            Help me to thirst only for you.

Help me to find a place in my valley where I know you are with me.

Guide me to a ocean of love.

            Wash me with grace, and free me from captivity.

Mighty Flood,

            Destroy within me all the corruption from your way

            Save in me what is right.

Walk with me on the waters of my faith

            Allow me the courage to step out to meet you.

Clam the storms of my life

            That I may hear the cashing waves of your calling

Allow for soft rains to fall upon my soul.

            The birds sing like angles welcoming in the light.

Is your light coming God?

            Will the darkness be pushed away?

As the great light you placed in the heavens to guide us creeps over the horizon

            The chill of the sprits breath caresses my face.

Help me to know you are near to me.

Make me like the morning song that welcomes you in

Blind my fears with your good light

Warm my soul

Bless this day with your presence

            Remind me to lean on your Sprit.

Hold me in your presences all day long

            SO that I might show the world your Light in me.

            Who knows more than we can know

                        Whose ways are mysterious.

Thank you for allowing us to dare to approach your thrown.

Thank you for the gift to speak in your presences.

                        Thank you for hearing our cries.

I step into the ever flowing river of prayer now Lord,

            With the saints of this world

                        My siblings in Christ all over the world.

Thank you Oh God.

                                                                                     Help us Oh God.

                                           Guide us Oh God.

Forgive us Oh God.

                                                                                                                        Teach us Oh God.

                                                            Rescue us Oh God.

Show us once more that we need only you.

            Help us to keep our eyes fixed on you.

Love us once more.

                        Amen.  

            Paint me into your canvas,

            Allow me but a small stroke in your masterpiece.

Color me with your hues,

            Dip me in your waters of life.

Mix me into a shade of newness,

            That I might be the work of your unique hands.

Take my dark pigments away from me,

            And lighten my sole with your pure white.

Remove from me the colored stains of my past,

            And replace it with a tint that is pleasing to your eye.

Do not make me dye

That infuses to the fabric of sin.

Do not let this portrait be left unfinished

Please Oh Great Artisans,

Slather the shades of grace into my life.

                I try and hold onto the memories of your steadfast love,

                                But I fail.

My guts turn within my belly, and my eyes build up with tears.

                Why… why is this happing to me again

HAVE I NOT PROVEN MYSELF TO YOU?!?!

                Have I not paid my dues?

                Did I not fight for your justice?

                                For your church?

Why did I show grace?

 Why did I show Grace when I feel you have given me none?

                What did I do to derive this from you!?

                Where is your love now?

                Where in your peace?

Where are you now, have you not seen?

When will I leave this desert journey?

                When is the exodus for my pain?

                How deeply must I grown and wail before you hear me?

                How long, O God? How long will I be tormented by your calling?

Is this my cross to bear?

                Is this what you want from me!?

Have I not yet proven my Love?

Have I not yet paid my debt for my sins?

Was not my debt paid on the cross?

                Will I too have to be sacrificed by this crowed?

Must I to face my judgment in silence as Christ did?

When will you come to me Oh God?

                When will to swoop in and rescue me?

                Do you even know that I am here?

Cannot your light shine in the darkness?

Or have you forgotten me?

When will you comfort me God?

                Will you see my pain?

                Will you hold me in the pit?

                Will you fill me with peace?

Will I again know your love?

Unforutionally I have had a rough few days so I am not going to post all of the prayers just yet. But stay tooned!

 On the morning of the second day I found myself walking up to the main lodge from my cabin and I notice a snow covered labyrinth. It called out to me, in its perfect path of white. The snow had left just enough snow to cover the ground but not the rocks that lined the path. It was beautiful. As someone who is a little obsessed with labyrinths, I thought, “when will I have another chance to walk a snow covered labyrinth?” It wasn’t snowing, nor was it that cold so I went for it. I took the first few steps.            

 By the time I had made the first turn I was entrenched in thought, the rest of the world disappeared. I thought about things that had been bothering me, I thought of my worries at school, I thought about the path that had led me to that point, I thought of the pressures of becoming a candidate and all of the stress that had been leading my life. I immediately tried to correct myself. “hey this is a time to meditate on one thing” I begin to use a breath prayer, “Precious Lord, guide my feet. Precious Lord, Guide my feet…” Again my thoughts and worries crept back in, and again I was frustrated with myself. Where was my focus, where was my prayer?

Then it hit me, like a warm reminder in my chest; this was my prayer, this was my chance to walk and talk to God about all the things on my heart. I went over and over it all, thinking about my worries and my concerns, praying for those situations and those fears. I began thinking about my heart, and its whispers of pain and its needs for joy.  And soon I realized that I was only half-way to the center and I had nothing left to complain about. Funny how one can trick themselves into believing that life is more complicated than it really is. I began praying for my ministry and the people at the conference, the life’s that we touch and the paths that are affected by our ministry. Walking and path imagery swam in my head, ‘what steps should we take?’, ‘how can I walk closer to you?’, ‘how do we guide your people on the journey you have placed before them?’, ‘can we encourage people to just take one more step, and know that You have the path laid already?’ As I neared the center my prayer changed again, help me let go, help me to hear your voice, meet me here.

 I stepped into the center and sat; I bowed my head and closed my eyes.

 I don’t know how long I was there, I don’t even know if I can articulate the space that I fell into. There were no words no prayers, just space. I sat. I was not aware of the time or the space around me I just was, just being. It was the best and the worst of me sitting, no thoughts, no fears. I felt warm and loved; it was not like being in the presence of God, but like being watched by God. I sat still as God looked and smiled. There was no judgment or anxitity, just warmth.

After a time, I opened my eyes. It took a moment for them to adjust to the light and I looked toward the heavens. A flake of cool water brushed my face. It was snowing; a light simple snow. I smiled. And my thoughts were conformed, God had been looking. Creation was responding to me by brushing my face with Gods hand. I walked out of the center. As I took the twist and turns I smiled and took it all in, the mountains, the snow, the crisp air, the breeze, and the sound of my feet crunching rythmatically along the path.

 I began humming, “Take, O Take me as I am, summon out what I shall be, set your seal upon my heart and comfort me”. The toon rang out over the mountains, and filled my heart. It was as if I understood that prayer for the first time. I walked on, crunching my steps in the snow. Noticing my footprints from the walk in, I began to think about where I had been, thinking about the path that I had walked;  not just that day and but in my life. I noticed the snowflakes building up on my red curls and a phrase was given to me.

“Walk with God in prayer in all seasons”

And there it was, my revelation, I was flooded with ideas, paintings, sermons, a new outlook on my own prayer life and a way to view my work/ ministry. So often I try and pick and choose when I pray, or what I will pray about. Ignoring and not communicating the seasons of drought, or even the seasons of plenty. I thought, is this how one can pray without ceasing, when we know and recognize God with each step? Then our life is a prayer, and a lived labyrinth toward God. Could I paint this? Could I capture this idea of seasons and prayer? I was excited and energized.

 As I came to the end of my walk, I looked to the skies and smiled, and thank God for the gifts of that day, the gift of the time spent in prayer, and the Words I had been given to me. It was a perfect moment in my life; I felt close and connected to the world. As I stepped off the labyrinth, I was aware that the Holy Spirit is moving in the world, and that I had some new ideas to guide me.

 I went home and wrote this:

My Heart rejoices in you O Lord,

            Your very presence in my life.

You answer my prayers

            & deliver me from sorrowsYour Spirit leads me,

             My path is illumined by you alone

Help me O Lord,             Teach me How to be your delight.

            Make me a resting place for your people

But I cannot do this alone

             I cannot change lives

                         Move Mountains

                        Heal the sick

                       Comfort the broken 

                       Without You.            

Make me your vessel 

                       Transform my heart

Help me to spread your Joy.  

Later I left half way through Pres Hannors Keynote and  I was shipped into town called Estis Park  to an urgent care clinic, to see what was so wrong with me. Apparently its that I am forgettable, The nurse for got to come get me and then the doctor for got to come in. Never the less I was finally seen and informed of my strep. I made it back to camp just in time for lunch and a nap. After my nap and some meds in me I was feeling much better. I decided to go to my workshop that I had been scheduled for.

“The presence of God, it’s the real deal” taught by Jack Haberer, the editor of Presbyterian Outlook. He spoke of his work and of is disertaninatl work of the main theme in the bible Not being Covenant, but the theme of the whole bible is ‘the presence of God’. The trased the theme all the way through scripture, and focused on the idea that the Spirit is free in the world, God has been let lose. And that the fire of God’s presence is now upon the people. Gods very resting within us.

I was fascinated and overjoyed to meet someone who thinks in this way, I tend to agree. I was empowered and moved by the way he spoke of the Spirit. I found it wonderful the way he described moments with the Spirit with us and with camp/conference work. He described the beautiful “campfire moments” that ourselves, and our youth feel while in these spectacular ‘thin spaces’ and in close relationship to God. He spoke of empowering our retreat and camp/conference people to learn to recognize the sprit at all times, helping them to take their ideas of mountain top and recognize that life can be spent in communion with the triune God in the everyday work and presence of the Spirit.

We ended up in another hour-ish long conversation after his class was over and I was so moved that I went home to journal. Instead I wrote another psalm. Dinner came and I had “rocky mountain oysters (bull testacies), Which I only found out after eating one. The buffalo stakes for dinner. The Buffalo was amazing and we went back to the cabin.

My cabin mates and I made a fire, sat around laughed, did a liturgical dance to ‘Oh Canada’. And A friend of mine and I kept falling in and out of the group conversation. Every time we returned to the comminutes conversation it was a new subject. Blueberry Farming, Hotdogs, camp, Canada, camp, lobotomies, laws, camp…. It gone on and on.

It was hysterical, and we loaded up and went off to bed.

            Off to the Rockies I flew, In that half asleep half awake space you only find on an airplane. After arriving in Denver, I ran the poor woman over to get off the plain, apparently I was worried I would be late. As I rushed past her and she commented on my not-so- nice-to- others-ness. I thought to myself, God I hope she is not going to this conference and make it awkward all week. I did some wondering around the airport until I found people who literally said

“you look campy, are you with us?”

“P-triple C-A?” I ask, in a desperate voice.

“yep! You found us”

I had been found and wondering  and worries melted away. We tracked out to the van and I clearly had the LARGEST bag. I got some serious looks from some of the others riding with me.  I told them my Texan senses were tingling, and I was afraid of the cold. Needless to say the Northerners laughed at me. The other person from the southwest had a big bag too; I told her I was very afraid of the cold. She was too. The drive up the mountain end the life of one deer and brought us to the retreat center. We stepped out of the van and ….

OHHHHH NOOOOO, I thought it was cold before. I found myself shivering inside only to Bump straight into some people from Mo Ranch. YEAH!! I was home. Dinner was full of wonderful conversations and lots of fun. After settling into the bunk, and unpacking I wound up in a wonderful conversation with David Florence, (Anna-carter Florence’s husband) about his ideas for his camp and the education of children on how to live on the land. Then it was off to bed.

It was a lovely and blessed day.